WARNING – CYNICAL APPROACH TO POLITICS CONTAINED WITHIN
Politics is becoming a bit depressing for me at the mo, so I’ve decided to cope with it by putting it in terms I can understand. Namely, The Simpsons.
As explained in The Simpsons, koalas are a hardy and wily creature, not to be trusted. They also like to travel by attachment to helicopter blade.
It appears the Shanghai Daily has realised this too. Koalas aren’t even koalas, they are koala bears. Bears. BEARS. BEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRS.
And noone wants BEARS around, right? If you leave out a cheese sandwich, they’ll enter your tastefully decorated log cabin and viciously murder you. Ask anyone in the Canadian wilderness. Or just watch the moderately successful 1997 movie The Edge. You can’t even leave your laundry hanging in random trees without BEARS coming to eat your head.
So the depressing political issue I’m grappling with is this: somewhere in NSW, in koala country, a coal mining company wants to mine coal. To ensure said coal mining company can leave their laundry and cheese sangers out with joyful abandon and no koala bear attacks occur during the coal mining itself, koala bears are to be spirited away (probably via helicopter blade) to previously cleared farmland somewhere else, and some trees will be planted to distract them from the fact that they’ve been forcibly removed from their habitat and put somewhere totally strange.
A group of coal mining opponents have put their faith in the justice system, declaring that forcible removal of the endangered, fluffy, territorial koalas that are most definitely not angry man-eating BEARS from their long attachment to their native habitat is most certainly wrong, and that plainly, it’s un-Australian to remove sentient beings from their rightful homelands. A NSW court is expected to be making a decision on their application on May 29.
In response to this, supporters of the mining project were justifiably confused given Australia’s general historical support of forcible removal.
Sentiments from Australia’s Prime Minister, known for his special interest in environmental and climate-related matters, have so far been minimal.
It’s widely understood that he has been extremely busy of late with encore performances of his spirited rendition of See My Vest to a
captured captive awed audience of campaign contributors.