Flying / lifestyle / social

Two weddings and a holiday

Who even has time to fold clothes?

Who even has time to fold clothes?

I’ve been a busy bee of late, and of course, my blog has suffered. To my 15 oscillating readers, I apologise, and let’s agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder and as a result anything I write will seem vastly superior to if I had churned out blog posts on a prolific basis.

Actually, in between overseas trips, two weddings and completing a creative writing course, I’ve been addicted to Ben Pobjie’s My Kitchen Rules episode recaps (you can find them at the Sydney Morning Herald). Seriously – why should I blog when he is already the funniest person ever? Also, I love Manu. There, I said it. And I’m not ashamed.

In March I flew to Malaysia, then to Brisbane and attended two beautiful weddings. I also took 7 sleeping pills, spent plenty of pennies, ate at least a whole roast chicken, 25 fried canapes and drank a carton of champagne, but who’s counting? If I were to tally up my partner’s activities during the same period, it would be: he did 20 loads of dishes, 15 loads of washing and 4 extra vacuums.

Sounds fair to me.

Shopping in Malaysian Chinatown

Me: (gesturing to shoes) Do you have any of the pink ones?

Market stall owner: Pink, yes.

Me: In a size 11?

Market stall owner: No! No! *looks down* Oh. Big foot.

My friend: Yes, that’s right. Bigfoot. Jess, I told you that sex change operation would work against you.

Market stall owner: Hahaha.

Me: Hey!

Friend: Shhhh, Bigfoot.

***********

Sharing at creative writing class

Tutor: Okay everyone, you’re paired up and now you can share the piece you just wrote with your partner.

Partner: You go first!

Me: Ok! (reads writing piece) Your turn!

Partner: (bursts into tears)

Tutor: What’s going on here?

Me: I don’t think she liked it.

**********

Watching TV

Me: You really enjoy Big Bang Theory don’t you babe?

Boyfriend: Yes but it’s not that.

Me: No? You’re watching intently.

Boyfriend: (sighs) I just love Sheldon’s clothes folding machine.

*********

Proper use of prescribed sleeping pills

Chemist: Be very careful with these, only take one and don’t use them for longer than ten days.

Me: Absolutely, I wouldn’t dream of it.

*on the plane*

Me: To the land of Nod! *swallows 3 sleeping pills*

*12 hours later*

Bride at destination wedding: Jess, are you ok? You look.. a bit… out of it.

Me: Shurhs bshh fsshh ka.

******************

Giving speeches at weddings

Me: Dammit! I forgot to bring the speech with me.

Friend: Jess, you had one job…

********************

This is a visual representation of my arrival at the destination wedding. Success!

This is a visual representation of my arrival at the destination wedding. Success!

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