Part of the whole temporary, living in the ‘burbs thing I endured last month (shudder) meant living with flatmates again.
For a good three years I lived in a rich bliss bubble in my apartment, not having to share anything with anyone. Not food, not towels, not my innermost feelings.
It was brilliant. Then, in July, everything changed.
Despite the learning curve in getting used to living with people again, there were some benefits**. These came in the form of words of wisdom from one of my flatmates. He was raised Jehovah’s before leaving the fold, and now, he is a tattooed carpenter who owns every kitchen appliance under the sun.
He has two main occupations (apart from carpenter-ing). One is his weird penchant for ensuring the ice trays in the freezer are always full (like… always). The second is that he likes to impart wisdom nuggets. The following is a selection of his most emphatic pronouncements:
1) ”Sometimes, you have to go back to go forwards.”
This clearly makes no sense, but accompanied by his knowing nod and sage expression, who could argue? Is he a modern day philosopher? Is he referring to the space-time continuum? Or did he just get his words confused?
2) ”When you’re merging in traffic, think of yourself as being a bulldozer.”
In fairness, in Brisbane traffic, it’s dog eat dog. This one is probably very good advice, and particularly relevant now that I’m in Sydney.
3) *”You have to ease into deadlifts. Like [insert sex act which I cannot bring myself to mention]. *touches weights* Hmph, oily weights. Guess someone’s lubed up! *winks*”
While easing into learning deadlifts at the gym is a good idea, I’m pretty sure he just wanted to bring up his sex life. The punctuating wink terrified me, and I immediately moved to the cardio section at the gym.
4) “It’s a roundabout. That means you go ROUND!”
It’s hard to argue with that one.
My boyfriend, in a sweet and loyal show of support for the Flatmate’s wisdom nuggets, has insisted that point (1) makes perfect sense when applied to astronomy. He maintains that scientists studying the Big Bang look millions of years into the past, which in turn takes their research (and our understanding of the human race) forward.
I’m not sure that’s exactly what Flatmate meant. Or perhaps, in a stroke of unparalleled Flatmate genius, this is the key to issuing all advice? Much like astrology readings, the more vague it is, the more closely it can be interpreted to mean anything you like. Suddenly, picturing myself as a bulldozer makes perfect sense.
**Benefits: original meaning loosely translated and applied.